NEW HAVENThree
years ago, Adam Duritz, the singer and songwriter of Counting
Crows, was thrust into celebrity on the strength of his band's
first album, "August and Everything After," which
went platinum faster than Nirvana's major-label debut, "Nevermind."
The band's folk-rock-influenced songs were tuneful, if not ground-breaking,
and Mr. Duritz's tormented, dreadlocked mien seemed to match
his literate, angst-ridden lyrics.
But by the end of the band's tour in 1994, it was becoming increasingly
difficult for Mr. Duritz to reconcile his tortured-artist persona
with his rising celebrity. When he mumbled a barely audible
"thanks" to audiences at the end of songs, as if he
couldn't believe he had just shared his innermost feelings with
them, he sounded insincere. He seemed caught between earnestness
and affectation.
Such is the quandary almost every enduring rock star has had
to avoid. At the height of his fame, Bono of U2 dressed in black
and wore oversize sunglasses, creating a hipster alter-ego that
he called the Fly, which parodied his own celebrity. Eddie Vedder
of Pearl Jam became a recluse, touring infrequently and refusing
to be interviewed.
Counting Crows has embarked on a tour to promote its long-awaited
second album, "Recovering the Satellites," playing
four sold-out shows at the Beacon Theater in Manhattan beginning
tonight. And Mr. Duritz has done nothing to avoid attracting
the same scrutiny again.
The songs he wrote for the new album are mostly about the burdens
of stardom. But since the end of the band's first tour, he has
moved out of the modest apartment he shared with a friend in
Berkeley, Calif., into a house in the Hollywood Hills. He has
also become a regular at the Viper Room, the celebrity hangout
owned by the actor Johnny Depp, and fallen in with a crowd that
includes Sean Penn, Samantha Mathis and Jennifer Aniston. "I'm
a Hollywood kid now," Mr. Duritz said.
The
seeming incongruity between his personal life and his public
image is not so easily explained, though Mr. Duritz is willing
to try. Sprawled on a sofa in the dressing room of the Palace
Theater in New Haven last month before the first concert of
the tour, the 32-year-old Mr. Duritz pondered his recent fate.
"I'm sure there's part of the fame that I like," he
said, running his hands through the beard he grew during the
recording of "Satellites." "It's great in some
ways, but its just horrible in others. The inability to go anywhere
without being recognized is something that's hard to embrace."
For all the troublesome demands of stardom he endures, however,
Mr. Duritz is in the place he always wanted to be. "I know
this is going to sound terrible, but I always felt like I was
meant to do something extraordinary," he said.
He seemed almost arrogant in the pursuit. He dropped out of
the University of California, Berkeley, two credits shy of a
bachelor's degree in English because he felt it was a waste
of time studying other writers when he himself was a writer
working in a genre that wasn't even recognized by the institution.
He also created his image before going on tour late in 1993,
transforming his thick, curly hair into his trademark spidery,
shoulder-length dreadlocks.
"I never felt comfortable before that," Mr. Duritz
said of his appearance. "I remember walking out of the
hair salon and onto the street and seeing my reflection in the
window and going, 'It's me.' "
Mr. Duritz admits that his image is contrived but bridles at
suggestions from critics that his lyrics do not reflect his
feelings. "I don't accept the judgment as to the validity
of it," he said of his work, "because I know why I
write songs. It's about the thing in your heart that moves you
and makes you want to do it."
A theme common to both of the band's albums is a sense of a
spiritual homelessness. It's perhaps a reflection of Mr. Duritz's
nomadic childhood as the son of a military doctor. Having lived
in five cities by the time he reached high school, he says,
he never felt as if he belonged anywhere.
"It was hard for him to understand who he was in light
of all of the changes." said Tom Barnes, a friend and former
band mate of Mr. Duritz's in the late 80's with a group called
Sordid Humor. "When you're an artist, you're constantly
wondering if you're deserving of all the recognition. I think
Adam was struggling with that."
Much of the group's new album, a harder-rocking one than the
first, speaks of Mr. Duritz's personal struggles. The album's
release was delayed for months because of Mr. Duritz's bout
with writer's block. "These days I feel like I'm fading
away/ Like sometimes when I hear myself on the radio,"
he sings on "Have You Seen Me Lately?"
But that Mr. Duritz, after years of searching, finally found
himself among the glitterati of Los Angeles underscores the
paradox of his identity. "It's like he's created a role
for himself in a movie where he's the star," said Steve
Bowman, the band's former drummer who left after a falling out
with Mr. Duritz. "He may enjoy some of the drama, but I
think there's a lot of pain that goes along with great intelligence."
Before the Palace concert, he explained that he would
not play the band's biggest hit, "Mr. Jones," a catchy,
upbeat song about his dreams of becoming famous, because he
could no longer relate to it. Mr. Duritz's greater commitment
to his lyrics than to the music is something his band accepts.
"Some of my favorite Counting Crows songs were never recorded
and never will be because they don't make sense to Adam anymore,"
said the guitarist David Bryson, who formed Counting Crows with
Mr. Duritz as an acoustic duo in San Francisco in 1990. "It's
that big a deal."
While skeptics may question Mr. Duritz's motives, he is getting
a lot of mileage out of being true to the image he has cultivated.
"I'm not a particularly happy person," he said. "A
lot of being an artist is the struggle. I always wanted to leave
my mark. And I'm going to do so for better or worse."